Magical Me: A Rough Draft
by JolieFille
Summary: A very brief look into the excruciating experience of writing an autobiographical work, as told by a one Gilderoy Lockhart, Order of Merlin, Third Class.


Author's Note: This is a totally random one-shot that I wrote in about an hour, giving it next to no thought. But then I figured that a thoughtless one-shot was very much in the spirit of Gilderoy Lockhart. :)

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Magical Me: A Rough Draft

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I couldn't help but let out an extravagant yawn as I glanced back at the clock sitting on my nightstand. Heavens. It certainly was late. But I was determined to finish this chapter before turning in for the night. I _needed_ to finish this chapter by the end of the night. I still had a long ways to go with this book, and it was due to come out a few months from now. Cursed publishers wouldn't extend my deadline on the grounds that the public was _expecting_ my autobiography this summer, and that much publicizing had been done to drum up sales for my book. I didn't know why they had bothered with that...I already had several published works under my belt and my name alone merited enough publicity to drum up sales without some silly press releases sent out to the _Daily Prophet_. 

Not that I minded the publicity, of course. I just didn't appreciate my agent using all these expenditures as an excuse to pressure me to finish this book on time. The nerve of some people. I was Gilderoy Lockhart, damnit. They had absolutely no right to insist that I meet my end of the bargain just because I had already spent the advance they had given me for this book! Still, I was a silent sufferer, as heroes tend to come. Even now, as I scratched away with my favorite cherry red peacock feather quill, I felt myself quietly wasting away into the night, sacrificing my sleep to complete _Magical Me_. I glanced at the clock again. It was ridiculously late. I needed sleep if I was going to continue to hold my #1 position on _Witch Weekly'_s "Sexiest Wizards Alive" list. I frowned slightly at the thought, wishing I had brought this up with my publishers. Loss of sleep would certainly take a toll on my appearance, which was of course, a crucial part of my image.

I sighed. Alright. Another ten minutes of work and I'm turning it. It's nearly 9 o'clock! Obscurus Books couldn't _really_ expect me to work late into the night when the baggy eyes I would receive in result would only tarnish my image. Of course not.

I glanced down at the page in front of me. I was nearly done with this chapter. I was just finishing my description of being inducted into the Order of Merlin, Third Class.

_...as the audience stood up en masse to applaud me when I finished my acceptance speech, I could feel myself welling up with a fierce sense of pride in my work. The forty five..._

No wait...was there really only forty five people there?

_Fifty people..._

That doesn't sound right. And anyway, it doesn't achieve the affects I'm looking for.

_The one hundred or so gathered there were applauding me. Expressing their gratitude for my contributions to wizard society. It then hit me like a ton of bricks: I was an important..._

well, really important, actually.

_I was an indispensable component to our world. People looked to me with admiration, hoping to follow in my footsteps._

Hmm. People? More so the women than the men. I'm not sure I want people to know that though. Oh hell. Sex sells, doesn't it?

_Mothers, wives, sisters, and daughters looked to me with admiration and as an inspiration, while their male counterparts looked on jealously, though silently hoping to one day follow in my footsteps. I had been seriously considering retiring from the adventurous life to pursue my lifelong dream of creating my own line of hair care products, but lo; the thunderous claps of gratitude all around me immediately convinced me to do otherwise. _

I smiled tiredly at my manuscript. Excellent. What I needed now was a nice transition into the next chapter, where I would discuss how fame has affected my personal life. Perhaps a little anecdote from the reception that followed the induction? Let's see, what would work?

_I shook hands with Minister of Magic Cornelius Fudge as he sat down and joined me at my table…_

No. The minister's rather over-exposed. He's hardly even a celebrity. That won't do. Scratch that. Well, I suppose one of the biggest consequences of my fame is the attention I receive from women…perhaps an example of their fawning over me would be a better transition…

_I shared a laugh with a Miss Catherine DuGrey, Order of Merlin, First Class, who…_

Oh wait. She was rather ugly and old. And some sort of Runes expert. I haven't really delved into that subject matter in any of my books. She'll overshadow me then in that respect. Right. I need someone else then…

Ah, of course! Appeal to the nobodies!

_At the reception, I had met a young woman, a server, actually, who was had been very sweet about pointing me to the men's room. _

"_I love your books, Mr. Lockhart!" she said after she had given me directions._

Hmm…maybe she didn't exactly give me directions to the restrooms, because she had been in such awe at me…

"_I love your books, Mr. Lockhart!" she gushed when I had asked her to point me in the direction of the men's room. "Wandering with Werewolves was my absolute favorite. Please tell me you have plans to write more!" _

_I smiled at the young server and genially agreed that Wandering with Werewolves had actually been my favorite to write._

Oh, now what had happened next? Oh, right. She had walked away and I had gone to the loos.

"_And what's your name, dear girl?" I asked as I watched her wave her wand to turn the napkins she had been folding into the shape of swans. _

Think. What's a pretty name? Gilderoy…no, a girl's name. Gil—Gilda? Gilda…Goldilocks! Oh! No, but I would most definitely like that as a nickname…

"_Greta" she replied._

Oh, no. That sounds horrid.

"_Lola." She replied, blushing furiously._

"_What a lovely name." I said, smiling at her while she giggled._

My memory must be slipping…I'm almost certain she nearly passed out. Oh! Silly me; none of this even happened! Well, I suppose if I'm going to embellish a little…

_I smiled at her and she swooned._

Yes, that works. Now what? Oh, conclude:

_All in the life of a celebrity_.

I glanced at the clock. Great Scot! It was 9:25 p.m. I had no idea I had been writing for twenty-five minutes straight! Absolutely spooky how time flies when you're having fun. But as all good things must come to an end, so must this writing session. After all, I didn't become a five time winner of _Witch Weekly's_ "Best Smile Award" by getting only seven hours of sleep a night. Now…where the devil are my curlers?


End file.
